I've been putting this together for you all and it has been rather time consuming along with planning Evonaes birthday party.
I was able to dig into my memory and pull out my pregnancy journey and I am choosing to share it with you <3
Let me start with letting you know that my daughter was in no way planned. I was actually told by a Doctor that I would never be able to have children, due to my (at the time) Hypothyroidism. I was devastated by that news and although I had healed myself of the illness, those stupid (I don't use that word often) words plagued me. I have such an immense love for children and without a doubt wanted some of my own. I still remember like it was yesterday, talking to my mom about how saddened I was that I would never have children. She had faith though and said "Giiiiiiiirl you're a Samento, havin' babies is in our bloooooood" Lol
Later that night while I was meditating and chanting (I am Buddhist for those who didn't know :)) I tried a technique I had learned from one of the Shamans I studied with. I sat and spoke to the energy of my daughter to be, acknowledged her existance and asked her to come to me. Not planning on her coming so quickly lol I just knew I wanted her eventually (Yes, I knew she would be a girl).
That was in November of 2012 that I did that.
Throughout December my boobs were SO SORE!!! OMG like non stop. I would get the usual soreness before my period but this was so different. Them mofos were seriously sore for like 3 weeks prior to me finding out about baby. In the back of my mind pregnancy was definite but I still had my doubts.
I remember one day I was at work; I worked at a nutrition store next to a gym so we always had people come in right after their workouts. This guy walked in and I could smell his sweaty feet! I was gagging it was so strong. It was then I really started to think I was pregnant. It wasn't time for my missed period yet, so I couldn't take a test.
It was coming close to December 21, 2012 the day the "world was going to end". I made fun then and still do. Even though I knew in my gut we would all be here for Christmas there was a part of me that was kind of freaked out.
I was talking to my mom, or shall I say texting the night of December 20.
She had told me she had this dream/vision/epiphany. She said that a higher power told her that December 21 was the day I was born for. It would be an incredibly powerful time for me. My life would never be the same, I would be blessed abundantly and gain ultimate happiness. It was my time.
She knew nothing about my possible pregnancy.
It was December 21 and I was telling Fadi how bad my boobs were hurting, he said just for piece of mind we should go get a test. I agreed and we decided to go get one. We got it late at night and I had heard it is best to take them first thing in the morning, so I decided to wait until the following morning.
The next morning we were all still here and our amazing world had not ended ;)
I was so nervous to take the test. I know I prayed for her but dang! Already???
I laid in bed with Fadi for a while, we were talking about if I should take it or not. Finally, I just made the decision to do it. I went into the bathroom and did the dirty work and put the test face down on the back of the toilet.
Those 3 minutes were seriously the longest 3 minutes of my life.
I was standing in the bathroom and Fadi was still laying in bed. I told him he had to be the first to look at the test because I was too scared lol
He got up and came to the bathroom. He grabbed the test leaving it face down. He said "are you ready?" It was like he too already knew it would be a positive.
He came close to me and turned it over. I didn't look at it. He was so frazzled. He said "2 LINES IS NO RIGHT?! 1 LINE IS YES, RIGHT?!" hahaha he was freaking out. No, boo, 2 lines is positive. I immediately started crying and shaking. That moment is seriously unexplanable. The moment you realize there is a little life inside of you.
I ran into our room and just cried. Fadi came and hugged me and kept telling me it was a beautiful and good thing and it was ok. I think he thought I was disappointed lol
Life directly after that was such a blur. I immediately told my mom and brother. Fadis parents are in Syria so he waited a few days to tell them. He was worried of their response.
My mom was super excited. She is the baby whisper so she couldn't have been more supportive of it all. None of us linked the epiphany my mom had and the prayer I gave to my baby until wayyyyy later. I would say I was almost full term when we brought it up. Everything else that surrounded being pregnant kind of overtook it.
Now, that I think of it all. It's seriously beyond amazing!
Now let's get into the being pregnant part.
Ok, lets be honest. Once a woman hears she is pregnant the first thought that goes through our minds is; OMG I'm having a baby!! OMG! OMG! I'M HAVING A BABY!!!! A baby has to exit my whoo-haa!!!!! Yes! That legit was one of my first thoughts.
This truth gave me horrible anxiety my entire pregnancy, and its why I am choosing to start out with this.
I watched countless videos on natural births and spoke to numerous mothers on how their experiences were, hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. Just maybe someone would make it all better. But of course all of them said it was something like how they would imagine death to be. 98% of them said they planned on going all natural and couldn't hang and ended up getting numbed. AWESOME! Can't wait..... -_-
Getting an epidural was in no way an option for me. On top of the countless risks, I don't even take Advil so I would probably go into a comma if I got it.
I spent many nights researching and researching and hey I researched some more on different birthing techniques. That is when I found what ended up being my praise 'em Jesus, saving birth grace? (Is that even a thing? Probably not). But anyway, I stumbled upon Hyponobirthing. As I'm sure you may have gathered by now I am quite the crunchy individual. So, this was totally up my alley and something I was super excited to learn about.
What hypnobirth is, is pretty much a form of deep self hypnosis, hence the name. For those of you who maybe unfamiliar with hypnosis, its very similar to a very deep meditation. For those of you unfamiliar with meditation, its similar to what you did in math class in High School. Nothing. Got it? Great! Glad we have an understanding.
I purchased books and even read that classes were offered in hypnobirthing instead of the regular lamaze classes. Now, don't go thinkin' all was jolly fine! I was still terrified about giving birth.
I searched for classes online and luckily there was one super close to me. By this point however, I was only like 16 weeks. Lol
I wanted to wait as long as I could before taking the class so everything would stay in my mind when I gave birth. I had pregnancy brains something fierce so I absolutely would've forgotten it all had I gone that early in my pregnancy.
I never had morning sickness or mood swings. I was just a little more sleepy in the first trimester. But seriously my pregnancy was bliss.... For the most part (I will get into that in a few)
I immediately started taking prenatal vitamins (Raw Vitamin Code), Algae Omega (Nordic Naturals) and B12 (Jarrow) along with B Vitamins (Synergy Company).
I had insurance through my work but it was Kaiser and they are SO not natural medicine friendly. I knew I wanted a midwife. I knew I wanted a natural, no meds, water birth. I also knew Kaiser didn't support any of those things. So, I was waiting for I guess a miracle to happen and I would find the perfect place and be able to afford it. I kept looking into Kaiser and everyone that left reviews had nothing but horrible things to say. That made me even less anxious to make an appointment.
Soon EVERYTHING changed!
One day I was at work, it was the night shift. Everything was normal and I felt great. I was walking my store making sure everything was tidy and all of a sudden I felt a gush of warmth exit my lady bits. I panicked and ran to the bathroom. I frantically unbuttoned my pants and to my extreme surprise, my pants were drenched in blood!!! OMG! My heart effing SUNK!!! I was panicking, I was crying, I was shaking! I didn't have any cramping, just A LOT of bleeding. I sat down on the toilet and it was seriously just pouring out! If this is TMI you may wanna no longer read my posts. Lol
I immediately called Fadi but he was at work and couldn't answer, so I texted him. I texted my mom and had her start a power chant chain (pretty much a prayer chain).
I was sitting on the toilet and I felt something big come out. I almost passed out. I looked and it was a huge piece of tissue. Right then I was certain it was a miscarriage, I was so confused though because I wasn't cramping. Fadi called me and was on his way to take me to the hospital
I cleaned myself best I could and went and told my co worker I had to leave. She was freaking out too.
Fadi got there and we loaded me up and rushed to the nearest hospital, which was Kaiser Sunset. We parked in the emergency entrance and I could feel myself still gushing blood. Seriously, I have NEVER bled like that. We get into the ER and they are taking their sweet time. I'm standing there and again another huge gush. I go to the bathroom and it just pours out. I tried using toilet paper to make a pad, but it went through it like it wasn't even frickin there!
The crotch of my pants looked like something from a horror movie.
I came out of the bathroom and they were waiting for me.
I went into the ER check in room; where they take your blood pressure and stuff. I bled all over the chair. They gave me a gown and wheeled me back. I HATE hospitals so I was definitely not happy about what was happening. They took some blood work and I finally saw a Doctor. He did a simple ultrasound to see if I lost my little princess. From what he could see she was still there. Hallefrickenlujah!!!!
I had to wait though and get a more thorough ultrasound to check the heart beat and location of her and to hopefully find out why I was bleeding.
They wheel me into ultrasound and the on duty ultrasound tech takes over. It was a older woman who was clearly not having a good night. We got into the room and she splats the jelly on my belly and gets to lookin'.
I look up and there she was! My pumpkin! My little baby bear! Just a kickin and a wigglin like a little fish! Very active and very alive! Strong heartbeat and perfectly placed in my uterus!
Everything was perfect! The Doctor never told me why I bled (thats hospitals for you) and still to this day I don't know why I did.
I got to see my baby though and that was reason enough for me.
The ER Doctor urged me to make an appointment with their OBGYN as soon as possible due to the circumstance. So, the following day I looked up the best midwife Kaiser offered and I came upon Susan Minich. From what I read she was very "crunchy" and everyone loved her. I was so relieved to find this because a couple weeks prior I found nothing but negative things.
I hurried and called and made an appointment with her. She is only there certain days of the week because she is so "crunchy" Kaiser limits the days they let her work. Yea, pathetic right?!
Anyway, the day came for my appointment and I had to go to a different area to take a pregnancy test just for their records and to register. That day they tried to have me take the Glucose test. Yea, didn't happen. I read the ingredients and handed it right back to the nurse. It is FULL of artificial flavors and colors and sugars and GMOS! Get that crap away from me!! I don't even eat sugar and you want to give me that?! HA! The nurse tried telling me I HAD to take it and I told her I didn't HAVE to do anything. She continued to tell me the risk I am putting my baby in by not drinking it and I continued to tell her the risk I was putting myself AND my baby in if I did drink that crap! It was seriously a fight but I held my ground. Once I saw Susan she told me about a way of fasting to check your glucose levels that was just as effective ;) what do you know!
I finished up there and went over to see Susan. I was not waiting long at all before the nurse came to get me. Although I had JUST taken a pregnancy test the nurse needed another urine sample. Something I had to do every appointment. I managed to squeeze one out Lol and everything was A-ok
I was sitting in the room and in came Susan. A beautiful blonde woman with a glowing energy and a Buddha necklace!! OMG I LOVE HER ALREADY!!! I thought Lol
She, as the reviews stated, was amazing! Very gentle and caring. And FULLY supported my wants for my pregnancy. She also told me about Hypnobirthing and recommended an amazing instructor whom I ended up using. She was not big on ultrasounds and I only had maybe 4 my entire pregnancy. Each appointment she would measure my belly and listen to the heart beat.
The left is the first ultrasound we got at the ER and the right is from the ultrasound I got to find out the gender.
One thing Susan was concerned about was me not eating meat. She said she would need to closely monitor my iron and protein throughout my pregnancy. I was confident I would be just fine and as my pregnancy went on we monitored it and it was always perfect.
I never let being pregnant be an excuse to binge eat or eat out of the ordinary. I honestly think thats why I only gained 25 lbs my entire pregnancy. Her life was and obviously still is so precious to me, literally everything I put in my body was healthy and pure. I think literally one time I ate a bean and rice burrito from El Pollo Loco and felt so gross afterwards.
I juiced often. I give that all the credit for my good Iron levels. Lots of organic leafy greens and fruits. I rarely had cravings and when I did they weren't crazy or weird. I would just want watermelon or pineapple or orange juice. I never had that moment of OMG GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!! Lol
I just looked fat for probably the first 7 months then I started to finally look pregnant.
In the first picture on the top left I was 3 months pregnant and the last on the bottom right I was 37 weeks.
I never got any stretch marks and I think its solely because of The Spoiled Mama Tummy Butter. I went through 2 containers applying it twice a day, morning and night. It's pricey but seriously SO worth it!
I will say the hardest part of my pregnancy and it seriously was hard! Was not having any family near me. OMG its seriously the worst thing ever to have the ones you love be so far away when something as amazing as having a child is happening. My mom was in Texas my entire pregnancy up until about a month before I had Evonae. I had no one to shop with, no one to talk to and get excited about things with. Fadi worked (and still does) ALL the time. So, honestly it was just me. I felt very alone at times. There were days I would get incredibly depressed and cry. I had friends but none of them had children or even wanted children so their compassion for my situation was zero. I actually lost almost all of my friends because of this. You really find out who your friends are when you get pregnant. It was hard but I obviously made it through. My biggest piece of advice is to surround yourself with family! It is so very important!
I continued to work up until almost my 8th month of pregnancy. I would have stayed longer because I loved what I did but it was just truly exhausting being that pregnant and on your feet all day.
As soon as I stopped working I went full force with planning for baby. Baby shower, baby nursery, hypnobirthing classes (I will get into the miracle of these once I post my birth story), book reading (highly recommend "Beyond The Sling", "The Happiest Baby on The Block", "Skinny Bitch: Bun in the Oven" and "Ina May's Guild to Childbirth") documentary watching, looking up baby names, researching Doctors and of course researching vaccines to the max (I chose to not vaccinate Evonae and in a later post I will explain exactly why) and catching up on lots of R&R.
Baby Shower :)
Back to the name part. I am constantly asked where her name comes from and how different and unique it is.
Let me just say it was NOT easy coming up with her name. Lol we went through so many different names but none of them resinated with us. One day I was online looking at french names. Fadi and I both love the french culture and my name is french so, why not?
I came across Yvonne, Yvette and Yvone. Yvone when I read it sounded like Evonae. I instantly knew that would be her name. I wasn't even sure if it had a meaning at that point because it was just a different way of spelling a name I thought was Evonae but really was not. haha I spent hours literally hours, looking for a meaning when I finally came across a page that had a meaning. It said the meaning was; a chance to live again! OMG I got chills and like instantly started crying. Such a powerful meaning and name. It was so perfect! I now can not find the site it was on anywhere. But in my heart I know the meaning and in my heart I know this is Evonae's chance to live again.
Her middle name was almost just as difficult. We thought about giving her my middle name Renee. But it flowed a little too well. haha with no luck from our brains of thinking up something clever, I resorted to google. I am part Italian and too love the culture so, I decided to look at that one first. Right away Arabella was brought up and I LOVED it! I confirmed with Fadi and my mom and we all agreed it would be her name. A VERY long name but her name :)
One thing that I will say is Evonaes nursery was something I was so stressed about and wanted so badly to be perfect. I searched for furniture and accessories for weeks. Only to end up with us getting a roommate and her not having a room at all. At first this devastated me because I had an idea, this magical image in my head, an expectation for myself and what I wanted for her. But due to me no longer working it would just be too much of a financial burden for us not to have a roommate. Like I said, I was not happy about it, but we got the most amazing person ever as a roommate who absolutely adores Evonae and I could not be more grateful she lives here. We are at a point now where we don't have to have her here but we choose to because she is really that amazing. Plus Evonae is a co-sleeper and would have NEVER used her room. haha Everything happens as its supposed to ;)
I am going to end with this. Seriously mothers to be I can not stress this enough!! PLEASE do not obsess and stress over things. I know its hard as a new mommy. But really! It's a complete waste of energy. Just do your best and what makes you happy and your soul content. What worked for me or someone else may not work for you and thats ok! Its your body, your baby, and your pregnancy!! Make it fabulous :)
XO
